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Trillium Killer

by Foxes in Fiction

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1.
2.
Can you picture a man who’s his own hologram? Here I am in New York, what do the words “trillium killer” mean? No one knew where you went, I showed you how the light bent And no one knew what to do, we watched it consume you (Rewriting your history) The drugs work just like we planned A softer world I built by hand And all I should have known by now I’d start to understand Can you think of your rage, how it’s growing with age I traced the light refracted through me, then decrypted a message to me No one knew what to do the day it consumed you (I know you long for the sound) The drugs work just like we planned A softer world I built by hand And all I should have known by now I’d start to understand The bruised arms from all the blood drawn I’m drawing up a softer world Forgive me for the things we’ve done I’ll die here in this world My warm blood’s working overtime A threat dissolved from the inside A fresh start every year or two A plan to learn to drive
3.
Extinguisher 04:31
Down for “nice life,” he dragged back Born into a void, waiting there Only silence Reborn, haloed, trace back pain Rain stops, fire it stops, oh, I’ve been snuffed out To only silence
4.
A gentle symmetry inside Is held together by a silent guide It comes on like a rush of sparks  A million spotlights in the park Meant to guide you through the dark Coming down I clear my eyes Can you see what happened here? I wasted all my time My vision started to distort  And I heard a voice say to me “It’s never going to be enough" Was I too much? Did I show my greed? And did you finally get the pills you need? Reminds me of my cautiousness Along the way I made my mess Get back the symmetry we’ve lost  In the fields waiting to defrost It cuts through like a sharpened knife  It’s all I ever wanted in this life To be bathed in golden light Coming down I clear my eyes Can you see what happened here? I wasted my whole life My vision started to distort  And I heard a voice say to me "it’s never going to be enough" Is it just a lie that keeps me hopeful for a second life? Everyone I’ve been and everyone I’ve known  They’re right in front of me I’m thankful for the lie that keeps me hopeful for a second life Everyone I’ve been and everyone I’ve known They’re right in front of me
5.
Better selves I could organize, I just wanna look strong If I become who I pretend to be who have I been all along? A mild mannered Canadian, useless in our passiveness Apologies for the northern shame, kill with gentleness Message came from the other side; “say yes to violence” There’s a voice buried in the waves, keeps begging me to swim Moving fast to get out in front and wash the night out of the cloth And tell you how I got the scar as blood fillls my mouth Hard to understand why Half of me, it wants to be enveloped Clouded in my vital signs, a second sight Burning out, I’m pushing back on the fading light Losing trust on the ledge, I know what it could steal I’m giving in to indifference telling fantasy from real Try to make new memory, the lens blurred I tried to rush And felt the sweat sink through the bed the night I said too much Hard to understand why Half of me, it wants to be enveloped Clouded in my vital signs, a second sight Burning out, I’m pushing back on the fading light
6.
7.
Antibody 03:20
You are the antibody In yourself and everyone Fold the blue into blood Now who cares if you’re having fun You are the antibody In yourself and everyone The muscle memory Won’t forget, can’t be undone Maybe once in a past life I would confront you We’ve been burning through this life And it’s caught up with you When you called me your faggot Maybe I liked it A thousand bedrooms forgotten You’d wait for instruction You are the antibody In myself and everyone I’m acting out in public  All because of what you’ve done
8.
Now that you know  Do you feel safe hidden in plain sight? Extend the hand I thought I would follow Cum soaked cracked concrete, the summer of the gun His voice had a short moment of echo With a promise that burrowed inside me  And like an echo it look a while to fade As he tried to guess my age  Fragile worlds worldbuilding I’ll meet you there It's softer seasons fade, you'll feel it in the air And all of that feedback you have in your ear Blurs out all memory of each blurred out year You and me won’t speak again Still tell yourself I’ll always be your friend Northbound, eastside And did it feel safe keeping a veiled life? A living conflagration is throwing my shadow Now burned into pavement, the summer was not done Asks me softly “What brought you to these ends?” “It gives me back a part of me I’ve lost” Then hands me all that I asked for  Eyes cast low and says I’m worth more (I felt the sun come through the drugstore window In softer seasons your bruises all clear And even if I change I don’t think you’d know A softer season that lasts for a year) You and me won’t speak again Still tell yourself I’ll always be your friend The leaves will fall slow, unobserved And I’ll be strong, I’m strong here in this world
9.
Young world, misunderstood Shooting sprees, shade from trees Pain will dull, will take control Hand turns fist, slight of violence When the soil softens, softly decay Come see my spot on your day off When the salt’s laid there, nothing will grow Not like him, trillium Not my problem, not my fault The sun burns out, let the sun burn out Not my body, not my mind Falling asleep, missing my stop
10.
Looking back, the headlights dim The street beneath your bike fades into black

about

OCT068

Written & recorded 2017 - 2019 in New York City

Written, recorded & mixed by Warren Hildebrand
Mastered by Rafael Anton Irisarri at Black Knoll Studio
Mixing consultation by Olive Jun, Gabriel Brenner & Eric Littmann
Vocal harmony on A Softer World written by Emily Yacina
Cover photograph by Austin Johnson
Cover design by Casey Jargo
Additional layout design by Warren Hildebrand

Thank you to these people who contributed to this record:

Eric Littmann - Drums, synthesizers
Olive Jun - Synthesizers, programmed strings
Dijon Duenas - Tremolo vocals on Ontario Sunshine
Emily Reo - Omnichord
Jake Falby - Violin
Oliver Hill - Violin
Hillary James - Cello
Athylia Paremski - Cello

credits

released October 18, 2019

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Foxes in Fiction New York, New York

looking back the headlights dim the street beneath your bike fades into black

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